Friday, February 11, 2011

“Hello, may I speak to Ben please…… Eh, later four o’ clock want come my house downstairs play basketball? OK, I go check first then call you back”, I called my best friend since primary school to play basketball with me at the basketball court directly below my block of flats. As he was quite busy, he asked me to check if the basketball court was empty as he did not want to waste time waiting for others to clear the court before we start our own game. I walked to the window and peered down at the basketball court, it was relatively empty but, I had no choice but to call Ben and tell him that the basketball session would have to be cancelled.
I called Ben and told him what I saw and agreed with me that it is better to ‘play safe’ and stay at home and keep out of trouble. I went back to the window asked my mother to look at what was about to happen there. There were a few teenagers sitting at the basketball court, a lighted cigarette stuck in between their lips, wearing sunglasses and cap. They were all wearing long jeans, and had massive headphones plugged on. They looked as though they were waiting for someone else to join them before they go bowling, discoing etc. However they were all carrying big sling backs. My mother said that it was just another bunch of hooligans waiting for their friend before going off to play and she went back to her work.
A few moments after my mother left the window, the tallest guy among the rest stood up and shouted, “CHARGE!” in Hokkien. The rest of the teenagers threw their cigarettes onto the floor, chucked their headphones into their bags and shot off in the direction the tall guy ran at with black wires flying about behind them as they run. I saw two other guys of similar age running off. The group of boys which were at the basketball court was hot on their heels; some of the boys picked up stones from floor and threw it at the two guys who were running as though for their life. I thought this was simply a minor case of ‘bully’ and did not do anything. The adults present took no action and walked off briskly. The two guys managed to escape the gangsters which were originally at the basketball court.
Then, I heard shouts again. This time it was the gang who were at the basketball court running in the opposite direction. My mother was already at the window looking at the basketball court. What I saw gave me shock. There were two groups of youngsters now, except that the difference between the two was that one group was waving something long and shiny while the other was scrambling to safety, shifting their sling bags from their back to their chest. Taking a closer look, I saw that the teens were wielding “parangs”. They were creating a din. I looked around the neighbourhood at the surrounding blocks and saw almost every window in every block would show the resident of the apartment behind it, looking at the basketball court.



Taken aback, I thought of the murders the teenager was about to commit, but the others followed suit and drew the long knives out from their bags. I was thankful that I was not standing somewhere near the basketball court. Looking at the fight, one of the teenagers’ “parang” narrowly missed another’s arm. I broke out in cold sweat. My mother told me to move away from the window as she picked up the phones and pushed a certain button three times. If my mother did not tell me to move away, I would not have realized that I was trembling. Although I did not get to see what was going on, the expletives yelled and screamed by the gangsters still reached my ears and until, I heard something that would be very difficult for me to forget – a long drawn out scream.
I saw my mother, who was standing at the window; her hand flew to her mouth when we heard the scream. My only guess was that someone was down. The shouting stopped a few moments after the scream. By the time we heard the police siren it was too late, as the gangsters had fled the bloody area. The incident which happened made the headlines of the newspapers the following day. After reading the article, I had a deeper understanding of what happened – what I witnessed the day before was a gang fight.

3 comments:

  1. If I was to guess the theme for your short story, I would say that it is identity. However, I do not think that gangs are part of our Singaporean identity. Not all Singaporeans are part of gangs. In fact, I would not even say that one quarter of Singaporeans are part of gangs. Thus, I feel that the theme of gangs is a little bit off.
    However, there was a little bit of dialect in your story, which is the main dialect that Singaporeans speak. I feel that if this was the theme that you have chosen, it would have been better. Now, putting the theme aside, I feel that your story was quite well written. It shows what gangs are like, what gangs do. Also, you have chosen quite a reasonable setting for your story. You can view the action from a HDB flat, but you could not have been involved in the action, which if you were, you might not have been able to describe the event clearly. I feel that it was a good choice of POV.

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  2. Glenn, you do a nice job here evoking tension and atmosphere before and during the fight. But to be honest, your character is not involved in it at all; he only watches the gang fight from high above, and he may as well not be in the story at all. In a narrative, your main character must have agency and actually be involved in the story, and must change in some way because of the events of the story.

    I agree with Chuan Xin, this has nothing to do with "Identity" or "Becoming/Change". You need to craft a story that explores one of these themes in relation to your main character.

    Also, there's a lot of action here, but not a lot of description. I can imagine an HDB flat overlooking a basketball court, but you don't show me what it looks/sounds/smells like. You need to give specific details so that I feel as if I'm actually there.

    What is a parang? A knife? You put the word in quotes, but don't explain what it means. Remember: if you use a non-English word, your reader (i.e. me) might not understand it.

    It will take some heavy rewriting to craft your final draft, but I think you have the basic elements here.

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